Want to know a secret about me? I can’t really lie. I can occasionally fib, and I occasionally tell little white lies if it means not hurting someone’s feelings. I don’t think I have ever been able to pull off a big lie though. I’ve tried lying before, but it never really works out. Either I don’t have my story right so the person knows I’m trying to lie, or I feel way too guilty thinking about lying that I stop myself before I do it. In the rare case that I do attempt to lie to someone, I feel really guilty afterward and most of the time I tell them the truth. It’s really hard for me to lie.
I am an honest person. I would say that I’m really good about telling people exactly what is on my mind, especially if something is bothering me. Of course, there are times where I stay silent instead of speaking my mind in order to save a friendship or save face (like I talked about in “Real Talk: A Difference of Opinions“). If someone asks me something, there is a 99% chance I am giving them the honest truth.
I don’t always feel like I need to be honest, but I usually want to be honest. I think honesty is like karma. If you are honest, you will receive honesty. Other than the fact that when I try to lie I feel like Nick Miller from New Girl attempting to lie, this is one of the top reasons why I try to be honest. I genuinely think that being open and honest with others is good for you and for the relationships you have.
Honesty = Trust
Honesty is one of the top qualities I look for in other people. I really value when people are honest with me. In the past, I’ve had friends and have dated guys who aren’t always honest. When you have a relationship with someone who has a history of lying or not telling the truth it’s really hard to fully trust that person. I had one friend many years ago who was somewhat of a compulsive liar. It was hard to ever believe what came out of her mouth, and I sometimes felt like I had to watch my back. I felt like the friendship wasn’t as solid or real because she didn’t feel comfortable enough with me to be honest.
I think being honest fosters trust. Usually, when you are honest with someone they will feel more comfortable with you. In return, they will be honest back. This creates a bond of trust. You know that you can be real with the other person because they will be real with you. You don’t have to hold back or hide anything because you trust her with whatever you are telling her. How can you fully trust someone who isn’t honest with you? How will you ever know what’s really going on in her mind or if she really values the friendship as much as you do?
It’s Good to Be Real
As you, my Dolls, all know, over the past few posts I have opened up a lot more than I have before. I have talked about my struggles with body image and anxiety. I wanted to be real and honest with you so that you can connect my struggles with your own or with someone else who is going through similar things. This is just one example of why I think it’s good to be real. Being honest really does help bond people. It can help you realize that you’re not alone in your struggles.
I also like being real because there’s no BS. I’m 23. I don’t have time for drama or petty lying games like people used to do all of the time in high school. I like to cut to the chase and tell you how it is. If someone can’t be honest with me, then I don’t have time for them. This actually makes me think of the recent friendship breakup I went through. It was sad that the friendship couldn’t survive with us having differing opinions, but I’m glad my friend was honest with me about it. It saved us a lot of time and effort.
I Don’t See the point In Lying
I really don’t see the point in lying. By lying, I mean bigger lies than “no, your butt doesn’t look big in those jeans.” I mean lying about where you’re going, what you’re doing, who you’re with, etc. If you’re lying, you’re hiding something from someone. If you feel the need to hide something, then there’s a good chance that there’s something really wrong in your life or your relationship. Lying drags out an issue longer, which will ultimately make the blow up at the end a lot worse and bigger than if you were honest in the beginning. If you’re honest from the start, it’s easier to work with the other person to solve the issue. If the issue is unsolvable, there’s a cleaner break if you’re honest instead of all of your lies coming out in the end. I really don’t see the point in lying. No matter the reason for lying, it always seems like a bad choice in the long term.
Know When To Hold Back A Bit
Being honest is positive almost all of the time. There are times, of course, when you’ll know that a little fib or white lie wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I know the times when I should be honest and when I need to hold back. The best time to hold back from being honest is when you know what you want to say would hurt someone’s feelings or if it’s an inopportune time to be honest. You probably don’t want to tell your best friend you kissed her boyfriend while you’re at her grandmother’s funeral. If she buys a new shirt that she absolutely loves but you think is hideous you’re allowed to tell a little fib so she won’t be offended. Being honest is a very good thing, but you have to know it’s the right time and place to do so.
I like that I am an honest person. Like I said, I don’t have time to not be honest. It’s not worth my time and effort to lie. I’d rather be honest and have the person know that she can trust me than get caught in lies and have an untrustworthy reputation. Think about it – would you rather have a friend who constantly lies or one who is very honest with you and you know you can be honest with back?
Come clean, my Dolls.
It’s really important to have honesty in a romantic relationship. That’s why it’s one of the top qualities you should look for in a significant other. Read about the other qualities in “Find Someone Who…”