“to Be Young And In Love”
My boyfriend and I recently celebrated our official one year anniversary. I say “official” because we knew each other and dated for a while before he asked me to be his girlfriend. The past year with Adam has been absolutely amazing. I got a boyfriend who I also consider to be a best friend, and I found my “Off to the Races” kind of love in him. We’ve shared so many different experiences over the past year together, like going to Europe and trying vegan restaurants closer to home. We’ve also been there for each other through the ups and downs. I finally feel like I found my person.
Obviously, from my other posts (and from the first paragraph alone), you can tell that I really love Adam. Saying “I love you” and letting ourselves fall in love isn’t always easy. Love is confusing in general. You can say “I love you” to your mom, your dog, your boyfriend – nearly anyone you’re close with. But, when you say it what are you really trying to say?
I personally think there are a number of different levels of love that we feel for different people in our lives. Those levels are most evident in the ways we verbalize our love to others. I’m sure you already can assume that “love ya,” “love you,” “and “I love you” all have different meanings. Those phrases alone can give the person you’re talking to a hint about just how deeply your feelings for them are.
I think the levels of love can best be thought of as a ladder. At the bottom/start of the ladder is “I care about this person.” This level could describe maybe a newer friend or a coworker you don’t have much of a connection or attachment to yet. At the top/end of the ladder is “I’m in love with this person.” This level is where the most intense feelings of care, attachment, and connection are found. While the feeling of love can be broken down into many different levels, I think there are two distinct categories within the ladder of love. These categories are loving someone and being in love with someone.
This is more of the platonic type of love – the type of love you would feel for a family member, a pet, a friend, or someone else. In this category, you care a great deal about this person. You want to see them succeed, you like being in their presence, and you only wish the very best upon them. This care, although, only extends so far. You probably have some sort of connection with this person, but the connection is probably not as intense as it would be if you were in love with him or her.
I have some level of a connection to some of my friends and family, but that connection isn’t as intense as it is with Adam. While my friends and I like to do similar things or have similar interests, I feel like my connection with Adam expands way deeper. He understands me on another level no one has.
The same goes for feelings of attachment. I love hanging out with my friends. I especially love a good girls’ night. Since I started dating Adam, I have developed an attachment to him that I never have experienced with my friends. I pretty much always want to be with him. When you just love someone, instead of being in love with him, your attachment to them won’t be as strong. Of course, you’ll want to hangout with your friends and know about their lives, but the feeling won’t be as intense. You won’t feel a constant need to be with them.
Loving someone can also be broken down into the levels of “love ya” and “love you.” “Love ya” is much more casual. You obviously care about this person, but maybe the connection and attachment aren’t really there. “Love ya” seems to have some sort of distance in it. It’s like a friend who is keeping you at arm’s length. “Love you” is a little more intense. There are connection and attachment in this phrase. You’ll probably use “love you” with a family member or a longterm friend.
Being In Love with SOmeone
So, what exactly does it mean to be in love with someone? From my experiences, at least, being in love with someone is very intense. You want to spend absolutely all of your time with him, and when you’re not with him you tend to think about him a lot. You crave to know more about him. Even as the relationship grows, you always feel there’s more to learn. You want to experience big life events with him, and you want to let him into your mind.
While you care about all of the other people in your life, you care about him very intensely. You would drop everything and do absolutely anything for him if he needed you to. You may feel an indescribable attachment or connection to this person. When you first met you may have felt as though you’ve known him your whole life. You won’t just want things for yourself anymore (good health, excellent career, new house, etc.). You’ll want them for the both of you. You may even feel like his success is your success and vice versa. You’ll start looking at future events as “we” instead of “I.” You become a part of each other’s lives in great depth.
Being in love with someone is confusing and thrilling and exciting and beautiful all at the same time. It’s sometimes hard to describe what it feels like. It’s one of those feelings where once you finally experience it, it’s like no other feeling you ever have experienced. Being in love with someone is the top level of the love ladder (I haven’t experienced anything more intense than that ). It’s the most intense amount of care, connection, and attachment you will feel for a person in your life. And, it’s a wonderful feeling to experience. It feels good to have someone in your life you can have intense emotions for. It makes you feel like you’ve gotten the picture perfect movie ending.
No matter where a person falls on your love ladder, the feelings should be mutual. This is especially true when being in love with someone. If you think you’re in love with someone who is still in the “love ya” stage, the feelings definitely aren’t mutual and you may just end up getting hurt. Also, no matter who you love, this person should always bring you happiness. You should surround yourself with people who lift you up and bring you joy, not people who are toxic and who are going to tear you down.
Even if you’re not in love with someone at the moment, there are so many wonderful people in your life who you love and who love you back. Remember to always appreciate those people and to express your feelings to them when need be.
Love you, my Dolls!
This summer, do something fun with the people you love and eat great food with them. Read my last post, “Best Summer Food and Drinks.”