Don’t Fall Prey to their Game
When I think “playing the victim” the first thing that comes to mind is Taylor Swift. You know I love her and that I would fight to the death to defend her. A lot of times she has been accused of playing the victim. Obviously, I would come to her defense and say that these accusations are false. Sure, bad things have happened to her and there is controversy over which side was the right one, but I don’t think she has ever seen herself as the victim of a situation. Taylor Swift does a really good job of turning that negative energy into something positive. People who play the victim don’t do that.
Last week, I talked about friendship fights. Playing the victim certainly goes along with that, but it also applies to all aspects of life. Some people you encounter in your life are going to play the victim. Whether it’d be for manipulation and control purposes or to get sympathy and pity, a friend who plays the victim isn’t a positive friend. There are times in our lives where we all feel like the world is caving in, but there is a huge difference between playing the victim and simply being upset with the way things are going.
It’s really important to know what defines the victim personality so that you don’t play the victim or end up in a friendship with someone who does.
What Is playing The Victim?
People who play the victim definitely have more of a negative state of mind. Everything bad is always happening TO them. People are always doing things TO them. You’ll hear them say “to me” a lot. They feel like they’re trapped in a situation, and there’s nothing they can do to change it. They don’t often walk away from the situation that’s hurting them but bask in their sorrow of it instead.
People who play the victim complain a lot about always being the victim. They keep telling you stories about their relationships with different people, but the situations always sound the same. And, this person always seems to get screwed over.
There’s a good chance you’ve met this type of person at some point in your life. A person who plays the victim thrives on sympathy. They also begin to depend on you a lot. At one point, they could make you feel like they depend on your so much that you’re the only person that can help them through their sorrow. A person who plays the victim is not really a fun person to be friends with. Their presence also could make you feel anxious or sad too.
How To Make Sure You Don’t Play the Victim
Admit You’re Wrong or That There’s a Possibility You Could Be Wrong
Take responsibility for your actions. People who play the victim only see one side of the situation. That side is their side, and their side is the right side. That’s why they feel victimized when people don’t agree with them. Now, that you’re a young adult and starting your life in the workforce, you’re completely accountable for everything you do. And, you’re human which means that you’re going to mess up, make mistakes, and be wrong. Yeah, it is embarrassing being wrong, making mistakes, or messing up, but don’t blame others for it. In order to be a successful adult, you’re going to have to admit you’re wrong or at least be open to the possibility that you could be wrong.
Reframe The “It’s Happening to Me” Mindset
Yes, things are happening in your life, but there’s a good chance that 99% of the bad stuff isn’t happening to you on purpose. People who play the victim tend to think that people are out to get them. The world is out to get them. Everything is against them. Recognize that when something bad happens it’s not because someone is out to get you. Things like this happen to people all of the time. Remind yourself of that. Instead of thinking, “It’s happening to me,” think, “It’s an experience in my life.” Remember you will get through it and it’s not the end of the world.
Fix What’s Wrong in Your Life
People who play the victim kind of just accept their misery and wallow it. They make excuses that they’re powerless or if a change was supposed to happen someone else would make the effort for them. You’re not powerless, so don’t act like you are. Honestly, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about something in their lives but don’t do anything to change it or make themselves feel better. As you probably know by now, I’m a go-getter. If I don’t like something in my life or something is making me uncomfortable, I do everything in my power to change or fix it. Don’t sit back and wallow in your misery. Take action to change it and make yourself happy.
What TO Do If YOur Friend Is Playing The Victim
I’ve had a friend or two in my past who has played the victim. I will tell you outright that it is really hard to have a true friendship with this person. This person always feels bad for herself. Not only does she want you to feel bad for her, but she wants you to feel bad with her.
In one of my cases, this friend would tell me about something negative going on in her life. I would try to help her through it, of course. Later on, when the conversation shifted, I would tell her something positive about my life. She would then respond with a negative comment that she knew would make me upset. She wanted me to be on her level of sadness, distress, misery, or whatever other emotion she was feeling that day.
People who play the victim make for toxic friends. If you think one of your friends might be playing the victim, keep an eye on how she reacts to things. Is everything always happening to her? Does she always feel powerless? Also, keep an eye on how she responds to you. Does she let you talk about the positive things in your life or does the conversation revolve around her problems? Does she congratulate you on the good or does she try to bring you down?
If all signs point to your friend as playing the victim, the best thing for you to do is remove yourself from the friendship. This will definitely be hard to do if you have been friends with her for a while. It will also be hard because people who play the victim often make the people around them feel they are dependent on those people. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you. If it’s hurting you or stressing you out to be friends with this person, the friendship isn’t worth it. Say your goodbyes and go your separate ways. Your future self will thank you for getting rid of a toxic friend.
I think the best takeaway from all of this is to do what’s best for you. You won’t be playing the victim if you’re always trying to make light out of a bad situation. You won’t fall into the trap of a friend who is playing the victim if you use your best judgment and get out of the toxic friendship. Relationships are some tough stuff, but you live and you learn. I definitely have.
Do what’s best for you, my Dolls!
Looking for a good vacation to get you through spring semester? Read “Travel Diaries: Hershey!”