“This is why we can’t have nice things…”
Whether you like it or not, you’re probably going to get in a friendship fight at one point in your life. Fights with friends are often more hurtful and harder to deal with than fights with a significant other. This person has been there for you through thick and thin for years. She was your go-to person. You cried to her when you and your boyfriend broke up. You helped her through the hardest moments of her life. You’ve been through so much together that this fight seems like the end of the world.
Fortunately, through all of this drama, you can take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. You’re not the first person who has ever fought with her best friend. This also may not be the last time you will ever have a fight with her or any of your other friends. Arguing is normal and healthy for any relationship, most of the time. A little fight here and there could actually strengthen your relationship. But, what do you do if you and your friend get into a BIG fight? Maybe, you both have been bottling up things for a while and they’ve finally exploded. Now, it seems like things will never be the same again. Some friendships can be mended and things will go back to normal. Other friendships may not be destined to last a lifetime.
Whatever the outcome might be, here are a few things that are important to keep in mind while going through a friendship fight:
It’s Going to Hurt
A friendship fight is going to hurt like crazy. You’re going to be mad at your friend and mad at yourself for letting it come to fighting. No one wants to cause tension with their best friend, but it happens. You’re human, and she’s human. It’s only in our nature that fighting is going to happen at one point or another in the relationships we have with others. It’s going to hurt like hell. You’re going to feel a bunch of different emotions. But, it’s going to be okay.
I’ve had my fair share of friendship fights in my life, and they never get easier. I’ve felt hurt by my friends and hurt by myself for letting whatever problem there was to get so bad. I still feel hurt by some of the friendship fights I’ve had in my life. Those people were a big part of my life, and it truly is painful to see everything change in a matter of days.
Take a Breath Before Acting
If your friend does something to upset you, the worst thing you can do is act in the heat of the moment. When you’re caught up in a negative feeling as it occurs you’re not going to think clearly. A few times before, I have acted in the heat of the moment when feeling intensely angry or upset. I said some things that I regret saying. Acting in the heat of the moment could only make matters worse for you and your friend.
Instead of acting right as your friend does something to upset or hurt you, take a breath. Take a few days to process the situation and come up with a more logical, mature way to respond to it. If you wait a few days to respond to the situation, you’re not going to be as caught up in your feelings as you were before. You will be thinking with a clearer mind and that could help you avoid any further conflict with your friend.
Communication Is KeY, But DOn’t Text
I believe that communication is the basis of all relationships. I think that any relationship can work as long as there is a steady, honest flow of communication between two people. If your friend does something to upset or hurt you, tell her about it. Like I said before, give yourself a few moments to reflect on the situation if your feelings are intense, but don’t let them bottle up completely. Bottling up your feelings will only make you feel like a soda bottle that has been shaken up a million times. Eventually, the cap is going to come off and you’re going to explode all over the place.
One of the secrets to communicating is that all serious conversations NEED to be done in person. If they can’t be done in person, they should at least be done over the phone or on video chat. You should NEVER have a serious conversation with someone over text. Way too many things get lost or misinterpreted over text. Friendships can honestly end from a misinterpreted text conversation (believe me, I know first-hand).
There Might Not Be a “Correct” Side
Perception plays such a huge role in every fight. Everyone always thinks that their side is the “correct” side. This is both true and false. From the way you see it, your side is the right side and your friend’s side is wrong. From the way your friend sees it, her side is the right side and your’s is wrong. You’re actually both be right. Admit it, a lot of the fights or arguments you have with the people in your life are over stupid, petty things. Sometimes they’re because of a misunderstanding. You and your friend are both only seeing things from only one perception.
Take a second to step out of your own shoes and see things from your friend’s side. When you and she have the conversation ask her to be open about how she interpreted the situation. Try to think about how you’d feel if your roles were reversed. Seeing the situation from one another’s perspective will help you both understand the problem you’re having a little more. It will also help you figure out what needs to be done to fix it.
Acknowledge Your Friend’s Feelings
One of the most important things to do while in a fight with your friend is to acknowledge her feelings. You may not agree with the way your friend feels about what’s happening, but you have no say in how she feels. Her feelings are her own and you have to acknowledge them. The worst feeling in the world is telling someone how hurt, upset, and sad you are and then having her say, “Nope, you’re wrong.” Feelings can’t be wrong.
You may not agree with how your friend feels about the situation, but you have to take the time to understand why she feels the way she feels. You’re both human, so you’re both entitled to your own emotions. Acknowledge that your friend’s feelings are real. Use this knowledge to help you guys figure out what went wrong and how to resolve the issue.
Know When It’s Time To Let Go
The hardest part of a friendship fight is when you and your friend come to the realization that there’s no way you two can resolve the issue. If you and your friend have tried countless times to resolve the issue but nothing seems to be working maybe it’s time to say goodbye. It’s going to be really hard and painful to let her go. At some point, it might be healthier for you to do that than try to stay in a possibly toxic friendship. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some people are in our lives for a little bit of time to serve a purpose. When the purpose is fulfilled it’s time to say goodbye.
Do What you NEed To To HEal
Treat it like a breakup. While a friendship breakup is often harder than a romantic breakup, you should do the same things at the end. Give yourself a grieving period but know when it’s time to move on. Do whatever you need to do to move forward. Take down any pictures in your room or pack up any things she gave you. You don’t have to completely erase her from social media, but you can mute her on Twitter and Facebook if it hurts you to see what she posts. If it hurts you too much to see her active on social media, it is probably healthier for you to delete her. Don’t worry about what she thinks about it. You need to do what’s best for you in order to heal from this friendship breakup.
Friendship fights are probably one of the most stressful, upsetting things you will ever have to go through. It’s hard to be in a fight with someone who has such a significance in your life. It’s even harder to go through a friendship breakup. Whether your friendship fight becomes a friendship breakup or not, remember that this is just one moment in your life of many moments. This fight or breakup isn’t going to last forever. In the end, you have to do what’s best and healthiest for you in the situation.
Take a breath, my Dolls.
Taylor Swift is my go-to to help me feel better in any negative situation. Read “Most Memorable Lyrics from Reputation.”