The dating game
Happy Fourth of July, my Dolls! Summer has officially begun. Even though some fall semesters begin in August, we still have at least a month left ahead of us filled with new people, new experiences and memories to last a lifetime. I bet some of you will be going out on a first date or two at some point this summer.
My friend and I were discussing first dates the other day, and we came up with a few things. First dates are weird and awkward and sometimes even uncomfortable. The thought of having a first date with someone is completely nerve-wracking. You’re not sure what to expect from the other person or what he’ll expect from you. There’s just so many questions going through your mind. Even if you’ve hungout with a person as friends before, once it becomes a “date” it seems like the pressure is on.
At this point in my life, I’ve been on a few first dates. I’ve gone through all of these emotions and thoughts, plus some. As many nerves and anxieties are behind-the-scenes of it, first dates are actually really thrilling. They’re an opportunity to learn more about another person and see how you vibe together.
Everyone goes through the first date jitters. It’s completely okay. I’ve compiled a few strategies for how to survive the first date.
Getting over the nerves
Honestly, sometimes the worst part of a first date is being nervous prior to the date. There are so many thoughts running through your mind. How could you not be nervous? Remember these few things to get over your nerves:
Remember these few things to get over your nerves:
Don’t think too much
Don’t overthink the first date. It doesn’t have to be some huge romantic gesture with the perfect outfit, the perfect makeup, and the perfect restaurant. A first date is not going to be perfect in a way, shape or form. So, don’t think too much about the date prior to it. Don’t create a number of scenarios in your mind of how the date will play out.
Before the date remember to breathe and remind yourself to go with the flow. Don’t have prejudgments. Let it play out how it’s supposed to.
Don’t try to impress someone
On the same note, don’t go out of your way to try to impress someone on a first date. Definitely, don’t make up things about your personal life. It’s cliché, but be yourself. This person is going on a date with you because he wants to know you, and if he doesn’t like you for who you are then he’s not worth dating at all. You have nothing to lose.
It’s supposed to be awkward
Don’t worry about a first date being awkward. There’s no way to avoid it. Simply, embrace the awkwardness. I am the queen of messy eating. Somehow I get breadcrumbs and sauce under my plate. So pretty for a first date right? I’ve learned to embrace this quality, instead of thinking of it as awkward. If you think about something as “awkward,” then it’s going to be awkward. Ignore the awkwardness and push past it.
Whatever you’re feeling, the other person is too
You’re completely nervous for your first date and thoughts are running through your mind at a million miles per second. But, you’re not alone. Everyone feels the same about first dates. As nervous as you may be, it helps to know that you’re not alone.
As I mentioned in my last blog, I am much more outgoing than I used to be. I can talk about absolutely nothing for hours. Some people struggle to find conversation topics, especially on first dates. Before you go on the date, think of a few things you know about the person and then a few things you want to learn about her. Take what you know and turn it into questions to learn more. Don’t be afraid to have in-depth conversations with people about what they do or what they like. Also, don’t be afraid to disagree with the person. Disagreeing is actually a good thing. It’d honestly be really weird and boring if you had everything in common.
If you feel like the conversation starts to get dull, play the question game. One person asks a question and the other has to answer truthfully. It’s one of my favorite ways to get to know someone. Here are a few questions to help you get started
meeting someone from online
I’ll admit it, I’ve dated and gone dates with guys I originally met online. It’s definitely weird to meet someone after talking to him for so long only over text or on the phone. It can also be scary meeting someone from online.
Here are some of the things I’ve kept in mind when meeting someone from online:
If there are red flags or you’re not completely comfortable, don’t go
If there’s something about the person or the way they’re talking that makes the situation seem unsafe, don’t go. Go with your gut feeling. It’s better safe than sorry.
suggest a meet-up
When I meet someone from online for the first time, I do a meet-up rather than a typical first date. I’ll suggest meeting for coffee or something else kind of casual. There’s less pressure that way. I also suggest we drive separately. If the meet-up makes a turn for the worst, I don’t have to worry about depending on someone else to drive me home.
A few more tips for any first date:
Only do what you’re comfortable with
Whether you met this person online or at school last semester, only do what you’re comfortable with on the first date. If you don’t want to drink, don’t. If you don’t want to go back to her house, don’t. Do whatever feels right to you. If that person is trying to push you into doing something she wants to do and doesn’t respect your wishes, she isn’t worthy of a second date.
There doesn’t have to be a second date
A first date is kind of like a trial run. You don’t have to be tied down to that person immediately after the first date. In fact, there doesn’t even have to be a second date. You may have thought you really liked this person just from meeting him or talking to him, but then when it comes time for the first date you realize how much you really don’t like him. It’s completely okay for that to happen.
If the person suggests another date, don’t drag him along and agree. Be honest with him about how you’re feeling. It’s better to be upfront about your feelings instead of letting him waste his time on you.
It’s literally just a date
A first date shouldn’t be as much of a big deal as we all make it out to be. It’s not the end of the world. Nothing is going to change if the date is awkward or you and the person don’t like each other as much as you thought you would. Again, a first date is like a trial run. You’re getting to know this person, so enjoy it. Don’t let your nerves get in the way because it’s just a date! Relax and let yourself have fun.
I still get a little nervous for first dates, and even second and third ones. I’ve learned to go with the flow a lot more and embrace the awkwardness. Since I love meeting new people and getting to know them, first dates are fun for me! They should be for you too.
Happy dating, my Dolls!
So, how do I explain my vegetarianism on a first date? Read “Real Talk: My Vegetarianism” to find out.